SNOOKI? F*ING SNOOKI GETS A BOOKIE DEAL?

Two Dublin Yobs Argue

Some comedy relief:

Only SILLY science fiction will do!

Our man discovers another unwritten rule.

The Anti-Penis Bias in Pubbying!

Our man deals with the black-list, and the fact he owns a penis. STRIKE TWO!

WOOT WOOT!

This miserably childish expression from the days of ARSE-eenio Hall needs to be retired. Will agents and their minions kindly refrain from using this out-of-date hash in their emails, bloggy posts and tweets?

WOOT WOOT!

Man places gun to own head and says "I will kill this man, unless you bloody-well stop!"

See to it.

Discuss

Don't Forget to Get Therapy When You Need IT

WOOPSIE DAISY! Don't tell some writers everything

What we let slip to other writers

Yes, well, one should not let it slip in idle chatter - to another writer for instance who may or may not be married to a literary agent - that in one's phone call to a third party, who may be a literary agent, that one thought he could detect the hint of a five-martini, half-pack of Paul Mall lunch in one's first conversation with that agent, wherein said agent accepted to take on one's project.

This is one extreme example of what not to say to another writer, who also happens to perhaps maybe, or not, have a filial or marital relationship with a literary agent.

We must remember everything gets round eventually.

Discuss

FIRST RULE OF WRITE-CLUB:DON'T TALK ABOUT WRITE-CLUB!

When interviewing for that jobby-wobby, sometimes - well let's face it, MOST times - things go horribly askew if you mention that thing it is we do.

How to deal with rejection?

Yes, well, rejections. Yes, what does one say? They aren't rejections so much as repudiations of our existence, aren't they?

A typical rejection might start thusly; "Dear Writer. We thank you for considering our agency."

No. I don't thank someone for their services BEFORE they have serviced me. Do you?

When the plane is crashing, the pilot often says "BRACE, BRACE, BRACE" so when you see the words 'thank you' well early in the transaction, I want you to take a breath and think "BRACE BRACE BRACE!" Because you are going down in flames. The rest of what they say will typically be blather designed to insult you. Don't bother reading it.

Discuss

When you know it's going wrongy-wrong!

Writing Conference No's No's and Do Do's

The writing conference is a place for we writers to allow our collective juices to marinate in a stew of socialized interaction.

It is not a place for fall-down drunkenness, most of the time.

Do not grope anyone who hasn't given you the appropriate nod.

The pitch session is like speed-dating without the inevitable restraining orders which follow; well, sometimes this statement is true.We recall that Tacitus said it best -perniciousness, perniciousness, perniciousness. I have looked it up. Translators got it wrong.

Bring your best work with you. During off hours, sit somewhere visible and read your work aloud, thoughtfully pausing to edit this word or that. Strike a stoic pose while you're at it.

This will alert agents that you are a serious WRITER!

What not to do

What not to do.

On Socializable Media

The newness of it is ever so new. One aspect of it that is not considered is what you would do if your worst, most hideous nonsense were to be discovered by an agent who is in the act of considering your writing kraftwerks.

I posted something to the effect the other day on Twitter, and then pointed this to my Facebook which redirected the reader back here, to then set off again in another round of circumlocution, ending up at some other snippy blogger's bloggy-wog site which I won't mention. That of an agent who has a habit of rejecting me, and quite harshly, as though she's sticking a rotisserie device into my nethers and twisting and twisting.

In any event, I corralled the wandering writers back through the maze to this site again, and had a nice long chat about fealty, scolding them with a pointy finger, and for them not to do this sort of thing again as I wouldn't tolerate any form of insolence to my little world here.

In any event. Let that be a lesson to you.

Discuss

The Truth Regarding the Writing Craftworks

You've come to me for answers; your first small step toward writer-wellness. Your first small, impish footprint along the shining path - el cendero luminoso - to healing.

I love you.

I mean that.

You must first set aside your preconceived notions about the publishing undistry. That's righty-right, it's an undistry. If you're not feeling algebraically challenged you've noticed I have transposed the i and the u.

I have done so without your permission.

The world did not blow up. Did you notice?

Then there is hope for you.

First lesson out of the way, let's take you a bit further in my next -proximo - posty-wosty.